When love is dead and so are you
by CrackonKappacumbers
Summary: A dark fic, au, love triangle, character deaths, self harm/suicides, delusional izaya, self loathing shizuo, established relationships, unrequited love, angsty trilogy, switching point of views, full summary warnings inside, mentions of shizaya love making, twisted love, depressing story, happy endings aren't for this story, reviews are luv and are accepted all around. -kappalord
1. chapter 0: warnings and kappa rants

**this will be a long note but please bear with me**

 **longass kappa rants sorry again :c**

 **hello darkness my old friend came up to me and punched kappa in the beak**

 **and it hurt so** **i laid an egg and it hatched** **so this short story came to be**

 **no seriously though, dark fic (bad egg) up ahead,** **you have been warned:** **it's not that dark but kappa is not suppose to be dark :C**

 **i'm a green smug kappa who drinks kappacumber tea** **with the mad hatter and march hare,** **because we're all mad here**

 **point of view chapters with shizuo, mikado and izaya plus epilogue**

 **warnings of character deaths**

 **love triangle: izaya loves shizuo and izaya loves mikado, but mikado loves shizuo, but shizuo loves izaya (** **unrequited/one sided love(s))**

 **there will be: delusional izaya,** **self loathing shizuo,** **not okay mikado, really** **not okay anyone**

 **self harm and suicides**

 **happy endings aren't here, is** **m for a reason**

 **turn back or forever hold your feels in this short trilogy**

 **don't die either kappa loves you**

 **shizuo starts off with point of view, click the next chapter c:**


	2. chapter 1 shizuo: Your love was a lie

_**Your love was a lie**_

 **SHIZUO POV**

You know, to be honest, I'm not really sure how it started.

Or why we're still doing it.

All I know is that one day, for one bitter sweet hour, we weren't rivals, we weren't enemies. I wasn't a monster, he wasn't a god, and neither of us were in love with another. For one, beautiful, breathtaking hour, we were lovers. Sharing passionate kisses and kind words. Giving our bodies to the other as if it were only natural.

As if it were the routine that it soon became a part of our everyday lives. You could call it love. You could call it love all you wanted, but you would still know deep down, that to him, it was just a way to fuck, blind pleasure and nothing else. My body was just a play toy to him, a substitute for his precious jewel Mikado Ryugamine.

You could say that I was in love with him, and to tell you the truth, you'd be right. Somewhere within the loveless passion, the empty words, and the hungry glances, I'd fallen in love with him.

I knew better, I told myself better. I'd betrayed myself many times because of him, punishing my body for it's awful sins. I watch as crimson liquid seeped from the same now more bony wrists that had held my beloved flea not so long ago.

No one noticed when I stopped eating. Nothing changed. Mikado still remained his prized possession.

I'm just a freak, a monster compared to the pure, perfect emperor. I tried and tried, throwing away hours of my time to become the perfect person.

But it didn't work..

I was nothing but a second glance. The emperor would beat against a monster, no matter what the challenge was. I guess that's when I realized that I couldn't win. Even though Mikado held no real love for Izaya, the informant would still be along side him until the end of time. That's just how it was meant to be. The god and the chosen one.

I guess that's what led me to this very moment, in Izaya's apartment, as I stand here with my hands around my neck. I smile sadly, tightening my hands once more before the final death grip. It has to be _perfect_. I'm to die alone.

 _'I'll always love you'_

I crushed my airflow with my strength that I've been called a monster for, before a snap fills the air. I've broken my neck.

 _'Forever and to hell'_

My limp body falls to the ground. My eyes slowly close, void of any emotion.

 _'Alone in my twisted love for you'_

Too bad I'd never seen the loving looks sent my way from those crimson eyes before.

 _Yeah, too bad._

 **end of chapter 1**

 **tbc :c yes there will be alot of death**

 **next chapter is mikado's point of view arc**

 **mikado comes back "home" to find shizuo, well, very dead.**

 **home: mikado and izaya live in the same roof**

 **while shizuo comes over sometimes, you know, because**

 ** **shizaya bedroom things.****

 **he just happened to be there**

 **you know after things happened and izaya went out**

 **next chapter will be a bang hinthintnudgenudge**


	3. chapter 2 mikado: My sorrow is not a lie

_**My sorrow is not a lie**_

 **MIKADO POV**

I screamed.

I broke down. "I loved you." I whispered, Shizuo's cold body lying limp in my arms. "I've always loved you Shizuo."

 _'Why here and why now?'_ I wanted to scream more, but I knew better. You were in love with Izaya. I'd heard you many nights, making love as if you were lovers. I remember the day I worked up the courage to ask Izaya what was going on. He would smile at me, taking my hand in his and kissing it gently.

"It's nothing." He'd whispered. "He could never compete with my love for you, Mikado-kun."

Izaya thought I was in love with him. I didn't ask anymore, staying as far away as possible. You were in love with the puppeteer of Ikebukuro, I could see it in your eyes, but Izaya was in love with me, and I was the only one that could see the truth.

We were all completely and totally screwed. I'm not sure you realized that I knew everything, I'm not sure you realized that I actually cared. I pretended not to. I tried to ignore how sick you became and how infected your wrists must have been beneath your stained bandages. I even stopped asking Izaya to help you, after he refused for the billionth time, reassuring me that you were okay.

"He's NOT okay!" I wanted to scream, barely refraining from slapping him. My fists shook, my teeth clenched, and tears burned my eyes and my cheeks, but I'd kept it all inside. _'He loves Izaya.'_ I told myself. I didn't want to watch Shizuo die though. Nobody deserves to die because of unrequited love. Not Shizuo, not Izaya, not even me.

But I guess you didn't agree, Shizuo. As I bring the gun to my head, one that I'd found by chance in Izaya's office, I think I can feel myself smiling too. Unlike you, I left a note. I feel the need to explain why, since you had never given me the reason. It reads only three simple words, and only Izaya will understand their exact meaning. I'd made sure of that.

My finger pulls the trigger, my life flashes before my eyes as I heard the shot fired.

..and then there's a silence before my eyes went into the abyss of darkness.

I hope the blood won't stain my note, or make my message unreadable.

 ** _'He wasn't okay'_** It reads in large, black letters.

 _'He wasn't okay'_ and neither was I.

 **end of chapter 2**

 **tbc c:** **to the next point of view arc kappalings**

 **and guess who it is,** **yeah izaya's reaction when he comes home to find**

 **shizuo and mikado on the floor**

 **again, dead.**

 **delusional izaya coming up**

 **because everything's so funny to him**

 **-kappalord**


	4. chapter 3 izaya: Our tears are real

_**Our tears are just part of the game**_

 **IZAYA POV**

So I come home and see red.

Two dead boys, one my lover and the other my love.

 _They're dead._

 _'Of course they're dead.'_ I tell myself. _'You killed them.'_

Do I feel remorse with guilt? Of course not.

How could I mourn them, when they're laying right here with me? I bend over and lay on the floor with them.I stare at the battered bodies in my arms, stroking Mikado's hair with my free hand. He stares up at me, eyes empty, without a spark as if he was tired and worn out.

"Why so quiet, Mikado-kun?" I ask.

He's silent as ever.

Of course he's silent, he always has been. You're so silly Mikado, you're such a shy boy. I turn to Shizuo's body. He felt colder than Mikado, he's never this cold, the brute was always like a heater. His head was slumped awkwardly to the side, and I laugh at the blank look on his face. Pfft. It doesn't fit him at all. I lean down, planting a small kiss on his numb lips. I got no response from him.

"See Shizu-chan, even though Mikado's here, you can still kiss me. You can still love me and I can too." I smile as I parted. You're so silly Shizu-chan, you and Mikado both are.

I laugh.

I laugh long and hard. I laugh until it hurts to breath, and even then, a smile remains on my face. You're just too funny. You're just too funny for your own good. And that is why, I love you both so much.

Human beings and monsters are so much fun and interesting, it makes me wanna puke.

I push the two away slightly, staring down at my blood stained hands. Bringing one to my lips, I lick it slightly. It tastes bitter, and it's cold. Mikado's ocean pool blue eyes stare at me as I stare back at them. They're still empty, but I ignored it.

"I love you, you know." I mentioned as I stroked his left cheek. You've heard it before, I know, but I just can't keep from saying it.

"But I love you too, very much." I turn towards Shizuo. His head's bent all the way back now, the outline of a bone jutting out from his ice cold skin. I do love him. Maybe not as much as I do humans, but I do love him.

Something glimmers in Mikado's stiff hand, and I stare down at the small, black gun that was suppose to be in my office drawer. Silly Mikado-kun, playing with guns. If you weren't so funny right now, I'd just have to yell at you. You could blow your brains out, afterall.

 _'They're dead!'_

I shake my head. Of course they're not dead! What are you talking about ore. They're sitting right here, making jokes and having fun. Shizuo's pouting and Mikado's laughing timidly with a smile. Everything's normal, as always. I snatch the gun from Mikado's grip.

It really is a pretty gun. Lovely enough to be killed by it's bullets. Oh my, it's still loaded.

"Izaya I'm letting myself in!" A cheerful voice calls from the doorway. Oh look who decided to come visit us. Shinra came in.

"Oh, dear God." His voice cracks, and he falls to his knees.

Why?

Was he _that_ surprised about our love?

"What's wrong? Everything's okay, Shinra." I spoke cheerfully. "It's more than okay, actually. Shizu-chan, Mikado-kun and I can finally be all together now."

 **BANG**

Oh.. whoops. I forgot about the gun. My hand must have slipped on the trigger. How clumsy of me. I stare down at Shizuo and Mikado and their lifeless eyes.

 _I'm sorry._

I give one last bitter smile.

I guess we can't have fun anymore.

...

The game's over now.

And nobody won.

 **end of chapter 3**

 **technically the end but**

 **tbc with an epilogue**

 **one last chapter next to end this depressing thing**

 **and everyone deads**

 **surprise**

 **the tragedy is real**

 **shinra be like:** **oshiete yo oshiete yo**

 **be prepared -scar was not prepared to be killed by hyenas**

 **so be prepared always kappalings c:**

 **review your gun loads of bullets to the three on the floor**

 **-kappalord ghouls**


	5. epilogue and ending notes: the end

_**Endings within reality:** **the dead will stay dead**_

 **NARRATOR/ENDING POV:** **epilogue**

And there on the ground laid three dead men,

Shizuo Heiwajima,

Mikado Ryugamine,

and Izaya Orihara.

Sharing an eternal sleep together.

Good night, sleep tight and dream of another life without agony, without fear.

Because in reality, you will never wake up from this nightmare.

 **The end**

 **very short, and very sad**

 **no seriously, and then shinra buried their bodies**

 **and their ghosts reappeared in the living world**

 **with evil aura and sorrow in their hearts**

 **never to rest in peace**

 **because there's no one left to help them**

 **and their spirits never rested**

 **and forever they wander alone**

 **as the spirits of ikebukuro**

 **sorry not sorry i don't know anymore :C**

 **bad kappa eggs**

 **so much for happy endings with rainbows and hearts**

 **hello darkness my old friend again**

 **like the new episode this week**

 **but with a cray cray mikado staring into your soul**

 **did you see his eyes;** **he possesses the eyes of evil**

 **come back mikado, someone save him :c**

 **and izaya being so lonely and evil, he** **gangs up with more evil of ikebukuro just so he could have a hotpot party with them**

 **send me luv in reviews and kappacumber tea**

 **and for more happier stories to come or updates**

 **-kappalord**


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